10/13/2019

This is the darkest day I’ve had in a long time. I’m writing this in tears as the friendship I once found security in is slowly slipping from my grasp. Moments that used to be comforting are now filled with an air of awkwardness that has welcomed itself in without an invitation. Conversations that used to be natural or now hiding in places that will never be found. The person I knew I could go to with any problem, any funny story, or just if I needed to feel loved is now a giant question mark. It’s my worst nightmare come true and I don’t know what to do about it. I want to say something but I’m paralyzed with fear. Fear that the answer to all of my worries and concerns will leave me feeling worse than the feeling I have now. Fear that if we have that conversation that things will be changed for good. I’m in a room with 1000 doors and only one of them leads to the outcome I want. But one way or another one of them will be opened eventually.